S1, Ep18: Forgot Your Resolutions Already?

You’ve probably already forgot about your New Year’s resolutions but Hayle and Kayli haven’t! Remember those little commitments the girls made 3 weeks ago? Well, we are checking in! Listen to find out who kept their resolutions and who didn’t.

Check out our Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pressedpodcast/

Are you pressed about something? Contact us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com

audio src=”https://pressedpodcast.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/kindapressedresolutionsfufin.mp3″%5D%5B/audio%5D

S1, Ep17: I Hope Your Kid Stays Beautiful

Is anyone else concerned about the sanity of Instagram children? How about the sanity of someone in a relationship that thinks another person is after their partner? This week Hayley and Kayli chat about miscellaneous topics that are pressing them. Tune in to find out what other topics they stumbled across and see what other crazy work story Kayli has for us this week!

S1, Ep16: Apply the Pressure

Life is tough, especially when it seems everyone around you is pressuring you into fitting a certain mold. It’s even more difficult when that someone is yourself. Hayley and Kayli explore the constraints of expectations and how it can hinder your life goals. If discussing pressure isn’t enough, stay tuned to listen to some of the girl’s irrational fears and find out who is scared of asking for directions!

Check out our Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pressedpodcast/

Are you pressed about something? Contact us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com

 

S1, Ep15: Do I Have to Read?

Happy New Years from the Pressed duo! On the first episode of the year Hayley and Kayli try their hand at New Year’s resolutions and go over some of the most popular goals for 2019. The girls also discuss the recent relationship happenings with Cardi B which brings about a lot of questions. Stay tuned to find out!

Check out our Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pressedpodcast/

Are you pressed about something? Contact us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com

S1, Ep14: Boys Don’t Buy Us Drinks

One of the great things about being an adult is having to buy everyone gifts for the holiday season. Hayley and Kayli discuss this wondrous transition into adulthood leaving  one of them questioning if Christmas should even be a thing. The girls also discuss party etiquette and what is expected on the dance floor.

Check out our Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pressedpodcast/

Are you pressed about something? Contact us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com

S1, Ep13: Let’s Face it: We’re Ugly

We’ve all been through it: scrolling down social media sites and feeling, well, ugly. Hayley and Kayli dive into the world of insecurities and self love brought on by the thousands of perfected images we see everyday. But who’s responsible for our well being and how do we know when we are truly happy with ourselves? Listen to find out!

Check out our Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pressedpodcast/

Are you pressed about something? Contact us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com

S1, Ep12: Yes, We’re Negative

This may be the most true episode of Pressed yet; Hayley and Kayli dish out everything that has been, well, pressing them for the last week. This includes Thanksgiving shenanigans and ever pressing gender expectations. We’re not going to lie, its all over the place, but we promise you do not want to miss out!

Check out our Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pressedpodcast/

Are you pressed about something? Contact us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com

S1, Ep11: Y’all Not Even Grateful

Thanksgiving is supposed to bring out the best in everyone…right? This Thanksgiving Hayley and Kayli explore the hypocrisy of the holiday season while also looking into it’s questionable past. The girls also talk about some of the wildest Black Friday stories and learn just how serious people take their holiday deals.

Check out our Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pressedpodcast/

Contact us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com

S1, Ep10: What is Life?

Now that Hayley and Kayli are done with Halloween it’s time to talk about something scarier — finding jobs they actually like! Join us this week to talk about post-graduate struggles and trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We also discuss a new fashion trend on Instagram that gives us “Rachel Dolezal” vibes, and yes, it’s as bad as it sounds.

Music: https://www.purple-planet.com/ and Garageband

Check out our Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pressedpodcast/

Contact us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com

 

S1, Ep9: Hallowpressed Finale

Happy Hallowpressed! It is the day we’ve all been waiting for, Halloween. It’s time to finally wear the costume you’ve been planning for months, or in our case, wearing the same cat ears for the second year in a row. Join Hayley and Kayli for one last spooky episode involving unsolved mysteries that haunt everyone to this day. The ghouls also share their own supernatural experiences with two special guests: Kayli’s mom and grandma! Stay tuned for our movie reviews at the end for Halloween (2018), All Hallows’ Eve, What Keeps You Alive, and Carnival of Souls. Stay Spooky!

Check out our first YouTube video: https://youtu.be/S-ziyGKjnLc

Email us at pressedpodcast@gmail.com!

Instagram: pressedpodcast

Music: https://www.purple-planet.com/ and https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary/music

Articles:

Hayley’s Unsolved Mystery:

Marvin Brandland

Kayli’s Unsolved Mystery:

https://www.houstonpress.com/news/houston-101-a-notorious-montrose-murders-alleged-connection-to-the-deaths-of-jfk-and-mlk-6739507

https://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/houston/article/Grisly-Ice-Box-Murders-7251178.php

http://iceboxmurders.com/

https://www.onlyinyourstate.com/texas/unsolved-mysteries-tx/

Hell Fest

On the way into this movie, Hayley and I stopped at the concessions stand to get something to drink. We talked to the lady working behind the counter and she said that she heard a lot of people comparing this movie to Michael Myers. Now, I wouldn’t go that far to say this movie is reminiscent of “Halloween.” I lowkey find that offensive. This movie is nowhere close to the menacing character of Michael Myers or any of his movies. Yes, this movie is a straight up slasher but nothing iconic like Michael Myers. With that said, I actually liked this movie. I came into this movie with zero expectations and that is the best way to go into this movie. Alrighty, let’s get into the review.

 

The Plot

“Hell Fest” opens with a group of friends at a haunted house a few years back. The group of girls end up getting split after a scare and the girl who is all alone runs into the killer. She asks, “You’ve been following me all night, what do you want?” Well, I guess to kill you girl soooo maybe don’t talk to the creepy masked man? Just a thought. Anyways, she ends up getting killed and we get a glimpse of the killer’s shoes. I’m sure that won’t come into play later on in the movie, right? Then we flash forward to present day. Let me break down the group for you real quick.

  • Natalie is the main chick. She is away at college and is having a hard time. She’s been kind of flakey lately and no one knew she would come. (the innocent, sad girl)
  • Brooke is Natalie’s best friend. They have some necklaces that they wear to peer pressure each other into doing stuff. She’s clearly much more outgoing than Natalie, but she is also not the brightest (more on that later). By outgoing I mean she likes to show off her body, these characters aren’t that deep. (the pretty girl)
  • Taylor is Brooke’s roommate and apparently Natalie’s archnemesis. Not sure why, but they hate each other. Taylor is very much the clown of the group. She will do anything for attention, even get murdered?? (the class clown)
  • Quinn or Q is Brooke’s boyfriend. That’s basically it. (boyfriend #1)
  • Asher is Taylor’s boyfriend. He’s kind of a douche. (boyfriend #2)
  • Gavin is friends with Quinn and Asher. Most importantly, he is Natalie’s crush. (crush)

 

The dialogue in this movie is cringy at best. It is clearly written by old people trying to sound like young people. All that kids these days talk about is sex, right? Give me a break. So, they go to Hell Fest. Natalie doesn’t seem to want to go, but Gavin is going to be there so what’s a girl to do? The weird thing about Hell Fest is that some people get real confused and mad when they get scared. There was a legit line that went something like: “Why do all these people keep scaring me?” Girl, are you okay? You do realize that you LITERALLY paid money to be scared, right? It was so weird. The other problem I have is with the haunted houses and how the group we follow interact with them. I’ve been to a few haunted houses in my day and NEVER have I stopped and touched shit and took pictures and what not. It was so weird, they legit were just in one room looking around and touching the props. There never really seemed to be other people walking into the haunted attractions despite a clearly packed park. Maybe Hell Fest wants you to stop and analyze and touch things, who am I to say?

As the gang explores the park, we see the killer enter Hell Fest. They made it a little too obvious that this was the killer. The music changed, the camera angle focused on the back of his head, and we even saw the same shoes from earlier! This guy really needs to switch up his killing attire. Upon entering the park, the killer walks by a snow cone cart where he swipes the biggest knife I’ve ever seen. Not only was it obvious that he took the knife, but it almost looked like the guy working the cart handed it to him. With a knife in hand, the killer sets out to find a victim. It seems to me that there are some key pieces to this killer’s motive. 1. He likes girls with long brownish hair. 2. He hates when people aren’t scared. Anytime this killer encounters someone who is like “Dude, you aren’t scary!” we see him ball up his fist like the Arthur memes.

His first victim of the night is chased into a haunted house that the main gang is walking through. The girl being chased begs them for help and when they don’t do anything, she hides. The killer comes in looking for the victim and Natalie’s ol’ bitch ass is like “duhhh she’s over there.” The killer drags the girl out and Natalie eggs him on to kill her. So, the killer kills and Natalie gets a little freaked out. YOU BETTA BE FREAKED OUT! YOU JUST KILLED THAT GIRL! From then on, the killer follows our gang and messes with them. One by one the gang gets got. Starting with Gavin.

Gavin was just trying to steal a toy for his crush when he got got by the killer, who proceeds to take Gavin’s phone and figures out where the rest of the crew is. Everyone else is waiting in line to enter ‘The Deadlands’ which is the scariest part of Hell Fest. No one seems to be that concerned that Gavin is taking a long time to get back to them expect Natalie. She continues texting Gavin, leading the killer straight to them. So, they get into ‘The Deadlands’ and the boys and girls go into different haunted houses. This leads to Asher dying next. How, you may ask? Well by getting stabbed in the eye with a real syringe that was amongst the props. Wow! This killer is getting real lucky with these weapons. Quinn and Asher went in together, but only Quinn exits. Q explains that Asher is just taking forever or got lost in the haunted house. Everyone seems to be fine and dandy with that and moves on. As they discuss what to do next, Natalie gets squirted on by some monster and decides to clean up in the bathroom. THIS IS THE LONGEST AND MOST UNNECESSARY SCENE. It starts with Natalie and Brooke chatting in the bathroom while Natalie cleans up. Brooke leaves (fake friend) and Natalie finds gunk in her hair and decides to wash AND blow dry her hair (gotta look good for Gavin boyyyy). During this blow dry scene, the killer touches her hair while she has her eyes closed (spooky!). Then Natalie decides she has to go to the bathroom. So we watch her sit on the toilet and text Gavin. As soon as she texts him, another phone dings because the killer has Gavin’s phone. She doesn’t care until she sends the next text and is like hmmm that’s weird. Boom! Chase scene with her and the killer ensue. After this close encounter in the bathroom, Natalie and Brooke tell security. Since this is a horror movie, the security guard is completely worthless and just kind of shrugs and walks away. As the besties exit the bathroom, they find out that Taylor has volunteered to be on stage for some kind of “performance.” Basically, it’s a fake scare. We think that Taylor is going to get her head chopped off, but nah it was just a dummy. She’s still the in the guillotine straps and the real killer appears and tries to chop of her head off for real this time. However, this guillotine is boo boo and after the first attempt Taylor still has her head and just a small cut on her neck. She ends up escaping and running into the crowd for help. The killer follows and kills her and Quinn with that one-two combo. This causes mass panic and everyone in the park books it.

The final chase scene ensues. Brooke and Natalie are running with the crowd away from this killer. Over the loudspeaker it is announced that the park is closing and that everyone should make their way to the exits. Instead of following the rest of the crowd, Brooke looks up and says, “Look! The exit!” Wrong! It’s the final haunted house: HELL. First off, if that was the exit wouldn’t everyone be rushing towards it? Second, it literally had a huge banner that read: “Welcome to Hell.” If Brooke would have just said “Let’s hide in there,” I would have given her a pass. Anyways. The killer follows them into the haunted house, finds a real axe inside, and jams the door forcing the girls to walk through. As the girls are running through the haunted house, they find out that each room is triggered by this big ass, blinding neon green light. Really? This is the last haunted house in Hell Fest and it is all triggered by a neon green light in the entrance of each doorway? I would need my money back. As they walk through the house, the girls try to find a weapon to fight back with. Natalie literally says, “They’re all fake!” I would hope so! I wouldn’t be going into a haunted house with real ass weapons lying on the table. The killer must have just been real lucky with finding all the real ones. The chase continues. The killer is able to corner Brooke and is about to kill her when Natalie comes out of nowhere and gets the jump on him. The killer is bleeding and lying on the floor, presumably dead. The girls get away and are greeted with cops. They tell them where the bad guy is and what would you know, the killer is gone!

The end shows the killer coming home. He puts away his mask with all of his other trophies from previous years in the garage. As he enters the living room, he is greeted with his daughter asking for what he brought home. The killer is never revealed and blends back into society as a Regular Joe. THE END.

Overall, I liked this movie. I would probably watch it again. It is just a dumb slasher movie with one-dimensional characters. After watching a movie like “Hereditary,” it’s nice to get a little palate cleanser with “Hell Fest.” There are some flaws, like the cringey dialogue, the long ass scenes, and the killer finding all of the real weapons. But it was still fun to watch. Hayley and I were planning on going to the haunted house in the mall after the movies, but they were closed. It probably would’ve made the haunted house even more terrifying, so “Hell Fest” did its job.

The Scares

This movie relies on jump scares. This makes sense since it set at a theme park full of haunted houses. Some of these haunted houses were lame, but it was cool to walk through them with the group. Most of the scares didn’t really work for me. One example is the roller coaster scene. The group have to ride a mini roller coaster in order to get to ‘The Deadlands.’ At this point, the killer has been harassing them and killed Gavin. While everyone is paired up into their carts, Natalie is all alone. It’s an awkward scene of the movie because it just has long scenes of the couples making out. Then the roller coaster stops and Natalie sees the guy that’s been following her all night. She’s trying to get out and screaming for help. The next scene shows Natalie’s cart coming out. She’s covering her face and the dude is just sitting on the front of the cart facing her, with the most perfect posture I have ever scene. It turns out that the employees in ‘The Deadlands’ has this mask on and it wasn’t really the killer hitching a ride with her. It could have been a cool scene, but seeing the guy just sit like that made it hilarious. It made me wonder how long he had to sit like that. Natalie couldn’t have thought it was the killer the whole time, since he wasn’t trying to kill her.

The scares could have been better in the last haunted house, but the whole thing being animatronic kind of killed it for me. I know that the park was evacuating at the time, which could explain why there wasn’t any employees in the house at the time. But it didn’t seem like this house was using a lot of real actors. If it is supposed to be THE house of the entire theme park, it should be good. If it was a little scarier, it would have made the final chase scene better.

Overall, the scares were mediocre. It was what you expected it to be, which I guess can be said about the entire movie.

The Acting

I don’t think the acting was that bad. I think that the actors did the best they could with a trash ass script. It just seemed like the old people behind the script were trying to appeal to a young audience by focusing most of the dialogue on sex. Since that was all they talked about, the characters came off as shallow. They tried to deepen Natalie with little things she said to Gavin and the scene with Brooke in the bathroom. She was clearly having a hard time in college away from everyone, but they didn’t really expand that idea. I don’t think this is the type of movie that needs deep characters. It’s a slasher movie, after all. But the fact they tried to show Natalie’s deeper side and the depth of the friendship she has with Brooke, just felt kind of forced and out of place.

The Score

  • The Plot: 5/10
  • The Scares: 4/10
  • The Acting: 4/10

You aren’t missing anything with this movie. If you enjoy dumb slasher movies, then this will be right up your alley. I suggest going into this movie with low expectations. It’s a fun way to start off the Halloween vibes.

S1, Ep8: You Should’ve Called the Police

For most people Halloween is a night of fun but for others its an actual nightmare. This week in Kinda Hallowpressed your fav ghouls, Hayley and Kayli, explore real life murders and horror stories that happened on October 31st. We learn people take their candy VERY seriously and listen to see how one woman’s trip to Kmart freed an entire group of sweatshop workers.

If you have a scary story you’d like to share, email us at pressedpodcast@gmail.com.

Want to see what movies we will be reviewing next week? Visit our website at pressedpodcast.com to see the list!

 

Music: https://www.purple-planet.com/ and https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary/music

Articles:

13 Halloween Night Murders: https://thoughtcatalog.com/jim-goad/2014/10/13-brutal-halloween-murders-nsfw/

True Halloween Horror Stories: https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/halloween-2013-eight-real-life-2657825

10 Creepy Unsolved Mysteries: https://listverse.com/2014/10/31/10-creepy-unsolved-mysteries-that-happened-on-halloween/

True Halloween Stories: https://www.rd.com/culture/scary-halloween-true-events/

 

Alone Time

“Alone Time” is one of the two shorts we will be watching this October, both of which are available on YouTube. The person who wrote the description about this short over on ranker.com really deserves an award. I mean the description was creepier than the short itself. Honestly, that’s the biggest problem I have with this short. I didn’t mind watching it, but the description did boost it up which led to me being disappointed by the end of it. Let’s jump into the plot so I can explain.

The Plot (Spoilers)

This short is about a woman who is basically just showing us what being an adult is like. She’s working a job that she doesn’t enjoy, doesn’t have a lot of friends, and just seems to be pretty lonely in general. On her commute, we can see two different men watching her and following her. Of course, she doesn’t notice this and continues living her life. Then, we see a weird shot happen between work and her at home getting smacked with a sleeping bag. She decides to cancel plans with her friend (we never see) and go camping for a few days alone. On her way out, she stops by a convenient store and buys a disposable camera. Then we see her hiking around in nature, taking pictures and just enjoying her time alone in the wilderness. We see her swim and get ready for bed. The next shot is of her getting her pictures developed and taking them home to relive the spontaneous weekend camping trip. Then she comes across pictures of her sleeping. Boom! THE END.

Okay, the basic concept of this plot is solid but it has been done plenty of times before. It is a creepy concept, looking at pictures of you asleep when you were alone. Yeah, creepy and violating. However, a disposable camera is loud as hell. There’s no way that she wouldn’t have heard it or been awaken by a flash of light multiple times. Also, how did her stalkers find her without her noticing? Were they just chilling in the woods in the distance waiting for her to go to sleep? Isn’t it hella risky to sneak in her camp and take pictures of her in the first place? Do these stalkers know each other and decided to work together? Or was it just one of them? Or someone new entirely? There are clearly some questions and concerns I have about this short, but overall it was a cool story. She’s lonely in a place full of people and decides to take a break by being alone. She’s tired of feeling invisible and decides to surround herself with nature, that way she’s alone by her choosing, she is taking back control. But little does she know, people are paying attention to her and she isn’t alone after all. It’s a good concept, but I don’t think this 12-minute short had a big enough payoff for me.

 

The Scares

There are three main things that can qualify as being the “scares” in the short. The stalker on the subway platform, the stalker at the crosswalk, and the pictures revealing that she wasn’t alone after all. I like the subtleness of the scares, it gives a more genuine feel to the short. Most horror movies need those big scares to seal the deal, but most of the scares in this short were in the peripheral. If you weren’t really paying attention, you may have missed them. If the camera was a digital one, I think it would have made things a little more believable. They could have still had the same reveal if they wanted. No one really looks at their photos as soon as they take them. That’s really the only problem I had with this short, that and the length of it. If it wasn’t 12 minutes and had the same ending maybe the payoff would have been better. I don’t know, but what I do know is that this just proved to me why you should never camp in the first place.

 

The Acting

I liked the actress in “Alone Time.” She didn’t have many lines but she was able to convey what she was going through. I believed that she had a shitty job and wanted some alone time. I guess the only problem I have with the “acting” would be the stalkers. I think it would have been better if it was just one dude stalking her, but maybe not. I do like the idea that she isn’t really ever alone or safe because everyone is watching her. But then it begs the question: who took the pictures? Is it realistic to think that someone from the city really followed her? What if there’s someone else she ran into on her way there that followed her? I don’t get how she could get that far and not notice someone following her. Other than that, it was real feeling. It felt like a real girl going through life. I liked it for that.

 

The Score

  • The Plot: 6/10
  • The Scares: 6/10
  • The Acting: 7/10

If you have 12 minutes to spare for an old concept, this is the short for you. It isn’t particularly creepy or scary, but it is nice to look at. The production is nice and it does give off an authentic vibe.

What We Do in the Shadows

“What We Do in the Shadows” was a breath of fresh air compared to everything else we watched this week. The ability to combine comedy and horror is a skill that is hard to accomplish, but there are some movies that I enjoy that can do this successfully. “Tucker and Dale vs. Evil” is a great example, even the Netflix original “Little Evil” wasn’t that bad. When it comes to “What We Do in the Shadows” I think it’s more of a comedy with horror elements than a blend of both. Nonetheless, this is a good Halloween vibes movie and I highly recommend it.

 

The Plot (Semi-Spoilers)  

This movie is in the style of a mockumentary that follows four vampires: Vladislave, Viago, Deacon, and Petyr. We see, mostly the first three, dealing with modern life and being roommates. I would say that the overarching plot would be the “Unholy Masquerade,” which is an annual party for the vampires, witches and zombies. In the leading months to this party, we see how these vampires deal with every day things. I know that this sounds lowkey boring, but it really isn’t. There’s no good way to describe this movie because it really is just some vampires living their lives. They do play around with popular vampire tropes like being invited in, not having reflections, and the sun meaning a fiery death. They also use other things like hypnosis and morphing into other animals. The best way to describe this movie would be to compare the comedy to “Napoleon Dynamite” and even “The Office.” It’s more about their awkward tendencies than outright jokes.

I know this plot section isn’t that long, but I don’t have any problems with the plot in this film. I thought that it was a very original way to present vampires. It was cool to see them interact with other monsters like witches, zombies, and werewolves. They also were able to use popular vampire tropes and other vampire stories to create how they would interact with different day-to-day obstacles.

 

The Scares/The Comedy

This movie isn’t scary. There are horror themes within the movie but nothing “scary” happens. There’s a scene where the vampires are feasting on humans, one where a vampire catches on fire and burns to a crisp, and one with werewolves attacking humans. Blood is heavily involved, but in a way that just helps the comedic flow of the movie. It is a somewhat gruesome movie, but nothing crazy. On a scale from 1 to the “Saw” franchise, I’d give it a solid 3 ½.

There are plenty of points in this movie where I actually laughed out loud. The scenes where they are chasing Nick around was amazing. It was very clever how they worked in the comedic element in this movie. Highlighting how awkward these vampires are just made things work. If there were more outright “ha ha that’s a joke” moments, I think it would have completely destroyed the authenticity they were trying to create with this movie.

 

The Acting

I think they hit the nail on the head with the acting in “What We Do in the Shadows.” I find it very interesting how they shaped this movie to be a mockumentary rather than just a movie. Making it a mockumentary, they were able to capture this believability factor similar to “The Office.” We all know that “The Office” wasn’t really following an actual work environment, but they were able to capture the intimate moments that made the show a hit. “What We Do in the Shadows” was able to corner in on this as well. It did feel like we were following real vampires in New Zealand trying to get into clubs and work around the fact that they don’t have a reflection. They were able to hone in on how awkward they are and make it just a knock out film.

 

The Score

  • The Plot: 7/10
  • The Scares/The Comedy: 8/10
  • The Acting: 8/10

I honestly don’t have anything bad to say about this movie. I know the premise doesn’t seem like the most enticing thing, but I highly recommend this movie. It was very goofy film and it shaped vampires in a different way while keeping true to most of the lore. If you would rather laugh than jump, this is the perfect horror film to watch.

The Nun

Okay, I’m just going to be straight up. I thought that this movie was absolute garbage. I haven’t been this disappointed with a horror movie since watching “The Devil Inside.” I’m not sure who would enjoy this movie or who their intended audience was. I mean you would think that they would target “The Conjuring” fans since that’s the universe this movie takes place in. If that was the plan, this movie is the equivalent of having someone shit in your laundry. You’re shocked and disgusted and you’re thinking “There’s no way this is happening to me.” Oh, but it is happening to you, Sharron. Someone just shit in your laundry. This movie just missed the mark entirely and is a disappointment to anyone who enjoys “The Conjuring” franchise. See, I enjoy “The Conjuring” movies! I even liked “Annabelle” (don’t @ me). But this movie just doesn’t add anything to this universe. I’m going to break this review down into three parts: the plot, the scares and the acting.

The Plot (or Lack Thereof) 

Coming in, I thought that this movie would explain the backstory of the nun character introduced in “The Conjuring 2.” I mean that would make sense, right? It is literally named after this demon, but the origin story just came off as lazy writing. This demon went from being terrifying to being lackluster. Anyways, let’s jump into the plot (spoilers obvi).

We open in a Romanian abbey where two nuns (#1 and #2) are traveling down a spooky hallway towards a door that reads “God Ends Here.” #1 walks into this dark room beyond the door holding a key while #2 starts praying. The demon does what demons do and #1 comes out covered in blood and hands the key to #2 before being sucked back into the dark room (thanks demon!). #2 does what she needs to do and hangs herself in front of the abbey.  Obviously, having a nun commit suicide is concerning to the Vatican so they send their Goon Squad to investigate. This includes Father Burke, a seasoned veteran when it comes to the paranormal, and Sister Irene, who hasn’t taken her vows yet and has a different view on the bible (Alexa, play “I’m Different”). Father Burke is told that Sister Irene has experience with Romania but is told, by Sister Irene herself, that she has never been. But Father Burke is satisfied that the Vatican knows what they’re doing, and they head off to Romania. Their first stop is to question the man who found the body of the nun, Frenchie. Frenchie immediately addresses Sister Irene as if they knew each other or had been lovers (this is what I heard, but they were mumbling so I may be wrong). This is the second time that Sister Irene is associated with Romania. Does this get explained? Nope! Anyways, Frenchie tells the two that the village and the abbey have this agreement that the village would supply the nuns with food and whatnot. But that’s the only person who comes into contact with the abbey as the entire village believes it is evil. They get to the abbey and talk to this old cloaked woman, Mother Superior, who comes out of nowhere. Mother Superior doesn’t seem to know about the nun who died but agrees that the Goon Squad can interview the nuns the next day. The nuns are currently not able to speak until the next day because of this vow of silence. The Goon Squad is asked to spend the night in a separate area from the nuns and Frenchie leaves, promising to come back in a few days. On his way out, Frenchie encounters a zombie demon nun thing. It was…interesting.

As the Goon Squad eats dinner, Sister Irene shares that she has visions and a reoccurring message is that “Mary Points West” (or something like that). Father Burke talks about this boy Daniel, who had visions as well but died while Father Burke performed an exorcism. Soooooo does that mean that Father Burke wrongfully exorcised this little boy, or does that mean that Sister Irene is possessed? (Girlllllllllllllllll I have no idea.) Anyways, they go to bed and Father Burke wakes up to music playing. He ends up chasing what he believes is Daniel to the cemetery, where he gets buried. This whole sequence plays like a dream/nightmare because it just jumps around and the ground that Father Burke is buried under doesn’t look disturbed. But nope, it’s really happening. Good thing Sister Irene wakes up. She walks around and finds nuns praying when she has an encounter with THE Nun, and all of the other nuns disappear (foreshadowing). Then she hears a bell ringing and immediately assumes it is Father Burke and digs him up.

The next day, Sister Irene is allowed to interview the nuns and they’re kinda creepy. She sees at least one nun constantly praying and is told why later on by a different nun. Basically, back in the day this evil dude was in the middle of performing a ritual for this demon but the church busts in at the last second and seals the demon portal with the blood of Christ. Years later, the portal is reopened because of some bombs deployed during a war (World War II). So, the way to stop the evil demon from entering this world is to have the nuns pray nonstop. I guess the prayer isn’t working because this demon is seen roaming around disguised as a nun to blend in with the others. That’s the explanation of Valak. See? Fucking boo boo. Really? Some evil dude a long time ago did a ritual to create a portal? GIVE ME A BREAK. Anyways, Sister Irene ends up sleeping alongside the other nuns because it now the time of day where they can’t leave or speak. Meanwhile, Father Burke is doing some research and finds out about Valak. Father Burke soon realizes that Sister Irene is lowkey trapped and begins to figure out a plan to get to her. That’s when he discovers that Mother Superior hasn’t been alive at all. So, he starts freaking out even more. Frenchie is back in the village and finds out that some little girl killed herself. The whole village believes that the evil from the abbey is spreading. This scene is so odd and out of place, but sure. Frenchie grabs a gun and heads back to the Goon Squad. Father Burke is also attacked by a zombie demon nun and saved by Frenchie. They end up getting into the space that Sister Irene is in and try to find her. Sister Irene is told by the other nuns that the evil is getting stronger and that they must all start praying. As they do, crazy shit starts happening and all of the nuns are getting attacked. Father Burke and Frenchie find Sister Irene, and this is when they find out that all of those nuns are actually ghost nuns?? Very important ghost nuns because they told Sister Irene how to stop Valak.

So, the Goon Squad and Frenchie prepare to face off with Valak. They find the blood of Christ in a very “National Treasure-esque” way and try to find the portal to close it. Honestly, I thought Nicolas Cage was going to pop out or something. I mean if there are zombie demon nuns, there can be Nicolas Cage right? Okay, back to this awful plot. They fight and what not. Valak possess Sister Irene at one point, Frenchie saves her by smearing the blood of Christ on her face, then Frenchie gets chocked by Valak itself. Then Sister Irene and Valak have a standoff in this flooded corridor. For whatever reason, Valak tries to drown Sister Irene and when she becomes still brings her up to face it. Sister Irene wasn’t really dead and spits the blood of Christ in Valak’s face. Boom. Demon begone. Everyone lives! Even Frenchie who was being chocked out by Valak the last time we saw him. This demon isn’t very good at killing people. The Goon Squad and Frenchie leave the abbey, with Sister Irene declaring it as holy ground. This is when we find out that Frenchie’s real name is Maurice and he starts rubbing the back of his neck where we see an inverted cross appear. Then we cut to the middle of “The Conjuring” where Carolyn Perron attends the Warren’s seminar. This is the part of the movie where they show this poor possessed dude, and that dude turns out to be Frenchie. THE END.

Honestly, this movie could’ve been so much better if they just put more effort into the plot. Why were the two nuns in the beginning doing this? I know that the first nun was trying to put a stop to things, but why was she doing it alone? Why didn’t they try to stop this demon before all of the other nuns died? Did they know where the blood of Christ was this whole time? So why wait? Like, how can Valak be killed by the blood of Christ, but still exist through Frenchie? This demon can split up its being, but it can’t choke out Frenchie or Sister Irene? Girl, bye. Why did Valak feel the need to dress as a nun if none of the nuns were alive? In the beginning, the two nuns seem to be the last ones alive in the abbey. So what was the point in disguising itself if there was only two people there? What was the point of Sister Irene’s visions? Literally the only message she got from this was that “Mary Points West” and she didn’t even utilize this message, Father Burke did. The vision we see her have in the movie doesn’t really add anything either. Father Burke was haunted by what past exactly? Why were the dead ghost nuns also zombies???? Please someone explain. Speaking of zombie ghost nuns, let’s talk about the scares.

 

The Scares

The scares in “The Nun” were predictable. What else is there to say? It wasn’t scary. The big twist is that all of the people the Goon Squad encountered were already dead. DUUUHHHH. When everyone appears out of nowhere, you gotta know that they dead. THE Nun wasn’t even scary. I think what killed it for me was Valak’s inability to kill anyone. It would choke them for what? Aren’t you a demon? Why are you using your hands? There were some moments that could have been pretty creepy if the sound effects weren’t complete garbage. For example, Father Burke encounters these hooded “nuns” that all look up at him at the same time. Instead of just having a creepy song play in the background, they put this like bone creaking noise in. Did they all break their necks?? It completely took me out of the moment and just made me mad.

I mean I don’t really get scared from movies, just a few jumps at the loud sounds, but as soon as the movie started I was mad. That mostly has to do with the acting.

 

The Acting

The beginning scenes are important since it sets up the entire movie. Of course, “The Nun” opened with scenes from “The Conjuring 2,” to simultaneously grab at all of the straws available to connect the movies together and to give you some context as to who THE Nun is. Now, I’ve already described the beginning of this movie in the plot section of this review. This scene could have been the perfect set up for this movie, but the acting was unbelievable. The second nun, who hung herself, was just unbelievable when it came to her being scared. If she would have been convincing, everything would have changed, for me at least.

The other problem I had with this movie was mumbling. Goodness, I couldn’t understand a damn thing they said throughout this movie. The biggest culprits were Father Burke and Frenchie. Besides mumbling, I enjoyed Father Burke and Sister Irene. Yes, they were kinda dumb but they were good actors. The acting overall could have been stronger. No matter how strong the acting is, nothing can help a trash ass script.

 

The Scores:

  • The Plot: 3/10
  • The Scares: 4/10
  • The Acting: 5/10

I would skip on it and wait for it to come onto Netflix. You really aren’t missing anything when it comes to “The Nun” as it literally adds nothing to “The Conjuring” universe. Good try guys, maybe the next nun movie will be better.

S1, Ep7: But I Thought the Knife Was Dull!

Are haunted house attractions worth your coin? Well, this week of “Hallowpressed,” Hayley and Kayli go to two different attractions to answer that very question. Not only do we spill the tea on our experiences, but we also talk about what happens when people go too far for that perfect scare. We also review “Suspiria,” “Halloween,” “Under the Shadow,” and “Sleepy Eyes.” As always, Stay Spooky!

Have any real life spooky stories? Email us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com

Music: http://www.purple-planet.com and https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary/music

Articles:

https://www.mcmlewisville.com/event/Halls-of-Horror/2145514388/

http://moxleymanor.com/

Facts

https://people.com/crime/man-stabbed-haunted-house/

https://www.ranker.com/list/scared-to-death-in-haunted-houses/harrison-tenpas

https://www.ranker.com/list/scary-short-films-on-youtube/jacob-shelton

 

S1, Ep6: Let’s Get Spooky!

This week of “Hallowpressed” we get spooky! We found some scary short stories on the interwebs and decided to share them with you. We’ll find out why buying old houses is a terrible idea, why you should never pay money for apps, and why driving alone at night is a no no. After reading all of these stories, one question will haunt you: THEN WHO WAS PHONE?!

If you have any creepy real life stories, share them with us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com.

Check us out on Instagram at: PressedPodcast. Until next week, Stay Pooky!

Music:http://www.purple-planet.com and https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary/music    

Hayley’s Stories:

https://www.scoopwhoop.com/world/short-scary-stories-reddit/#.0hzhk1k1s

https://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2014/01/13-short-creepy-stories-that-will-scare-the-crap-out-of-you/

http://justsomething.co/20-terrifying-two-sentence-horror-stories-that-make-you-hold-your-breath/

https://the-line-up.com/10-short-creepypastas

Kayli’s Stories:

https://didyouknowfacts.com/20-creepy-true-stories-thatll-make-want-check-closets-dare/

https://www.ranker.com/list/true-scary-stories/amandasedlakhevener

https://www.bustle.com/articles/65691-14-creepy-real-life-stories-from-reddit-because-you-werent-planning-on-sleeping-tonight-right

 

S1, Ep5: We’re Legends

Halloween is great but “Hallowpressed” is better! For the first spooky week of the month Hayley and Kayli discuss Urban Legends and why the hell they even exist. Your fav ghouls also give their movie reviews on The Nun, What We Do in the Shadows, Alone Time, and Hell Fest.

If you want to watch the movies we will review for the next Pressed episode visit our website pressedpodcast.com.

Have any personal scary stories? Email us at pressedpodcast@gmail.com!

Link to the creepy owls: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5100143/Birds-spooky-eyes-mistaken-ALIENS-builders.html 

*We apologize for the audio, we were recording in a different place*

Music: 

https://www.purple-planet.com/

Urban Legends and Creepy Pastas:

https://theconversation.com/why-urban-legends-are-more-powerful-than-ever-76718

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:What_Is_Creepypasta%3F

La Llorana:

https://www.historytoday.com/miscellanies/wailing-woman

https://www.legendsofamerica.com/gh-lallorona/

https://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/Woman-recalls-drowning-kids-in-1986-2055547.php

La Lechuza:

https://backpackerverse.com/la-lechuza/

https://truehorrorstoriesoftexas.com/la-lechuza/

El Chupacabra:

http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20161109-the-truth-about-a-strange-blood-sucking-monster  

The Goat Man:

https://wedentondoit.com/blog/2013/10/18/back-in-the-day-goatmans-bridge

https://www.reddit.com/r/Denton/comments/2i5ygf/old_alton_bridge/

Bexar County Hospital: (There is one more article missing but I could not find it)

https://www.ranker.com/list/creepy-texas-urban-legends/jacobybancroft

http://www.weirdus.com/states/texas/ghosts/bexar_hospital/index.php

Summit Elementary School:

https://www.ranker.com/list/creepy-texas-urban-legends/jacobybancroft

http://kissfm969.com/5-urban-legends-in-amarillotexas/

 

Movies to Watch

Watch by October 3rd: 

  • The Nun (Theaters)
  • What We Do in the Shadows (Amazon; free with Prime)
  • Alone Time (YouTube)
  • Hell Fest (Theaters)

Watch by October 17th: 

  • Suspiria 1977 (Rent or Buy)
  • Halloween 1978 (Rent or Buy)
  • Under the Shadow (Netflix)
  • Sleepy Eyes (YouTube)

Watch by October 31st: 

  • Suspiria (Theaters)
  • Halloween (Theaters)
  • All Hallows Eve  (Netflix)
  • Carnival of Souls (Amazon for coin)
  • What Keeps You Alive (Google Play or YouTube for coin)

S1, Ep4: Things Get Shitty…

Still having thoughts about living with a roommate? Well this episode of Kinda Pressed will sway you to live alone FOREVER (in the Sandlot voice). This week we read roommate horror stories from fans of the show* and from articles we found online. Did we find a story that topped our own? Listen to find out!

Subscribe to our YouTube channel so you don’t miss any spooky content: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbUk5AhiBIEHaH7vWvoaP1A/featured

Music: http://www.purple-planet.com

Here’s those spicy articles we read:

“Bad” Roommate Stories:

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/college/a58508/roommate-horror-stories/ https://www.businessinsider.com/these-ultimate-roommate-horror-stories-will-convince-you-to-live-alone-2018-3

https://brobible.com/college/article/worst-college-roommate-horror-stories/

*Names have been changed to protect their privacy.