Alone Time

“Alone Time” is one of the two shorts we will be watching this October, both of which are available on YouTube. The person who wrote the description about this short over on ranker.com really deserves an award. I mean the description was creepier than the short itself. Honestly, that’s the biggest problem I have with this short. I didn’t mind watching it, but the description did boost it up which led to me being disappointed by the end of it. Let’s jump into the plot so I can explain.

The Plot (Spoilers)

This short is about a woman who is basically just showing us what being an adult is like. She’s working a job that she doesn’t enjoy, doesn’t have a lot of friends, and just seems to be pretty lonely in general. On her commute, we can see two different men watching her and following her. Of course, she doesn’t notice this and continues living her life. Then, we see a weird shot happen between work and her at home getting smacked with a sleeping bag. She decides to cancel plans with her friend (we never see) and go camping for a few days alone. On her way out, she stops by a convenient store and buys a disposable camera. Then we see her hiking around in nature, taking pictures and just enjoying her time alone in the wilderness. We see her swim and get ready for bed. The next shot is of her getting her pictures developed and taking them home to relive the spontaneous weekend camping trip. Then she comes across pictures of her sleeping. Boom! THE END.

Okay, the basic concept of this plot is solid but it has been done plenty of times before. It is a creepy concept, looking at pictures of you asleep when you were alone. Yeah, creepy and violating. However, a disposable camera is loud as hell. There’s no way that she wouldn’t have heard it or been awaken by a flash of light multiple times. Also, how did her stalkers find her without her noticing? Were they just chilling in the woods in the distance waiting for her to go to sleep? Isn’t it hella risky to sneak in her camp and take pictures of her in the first place? Do these stalkers know each other and decided to work together? Or was it just one of them? Or someone new entirely? There are clearly some questions and concerns I have about this short, but overall it was a cool story. She’s lonely in a place full of people and decides to take a break by being alone. She’s tired of feeling invisible and decides to surround herself with nature, that way she’s alone by her choosing, she is taking back control. But little does she know, people are paying attention to her and she isn’t alone after all. It’s a good concept, but I don’t think this 12-minute short had a big enough payoff for me.

 

The Scares

There are three main things that can qualify as being the “scares” in the short. The stalker on the subway platform, the stalker at the crosswalk, and the pictures revealing that she wasn’t alone after all. I like the subtleness of the scares, it gives a more genuine feel to the short. Most horror movies need those big scares to seal the deal, but most of the scares in this short were in the peripheral. If you weren’t really paying attention, you may have missed them. If the camera was a digital one, I think it would have made things a little more believable. They could have still had the same reveal if they wanted. No one really looks at their photos as soon as they take them. That’s really the only problem I had with this short, that and the length of it. If it wasn’t 12 minutes and had the same ending maybe the payoff would have been better. I don’t know, but what I do know is that this just proved to me why you should never camp in the first place.

 

The Acting

I liked the actress in “Alone Time.” She didn’t have many lines but she was able to convey what she was going through. I believed that she had a shitty job and wanted some alone time. I guess the only problem I have with the “acting” would be the stalkers. I think it would have been better if it was just one dude stalking her, but maybe not. I do like the idea that she isn’t really ever alone or safe because everyone is watching her. But then it begs the question: who took the pictures? Is it realistic to think that someone from the city really followed her? What if there’s someone else she ran into on her way there that followed her? I don’t get how she could get that far and not notice someone following her. Other than that, it was real feeling. It felt like a real girl going through life. I liked it for that.

 

The Score

  • The Plot: 6/10
  • The Scares: 6/10
  • The Acting: 7/10

If you have 12 minutes to spare for an old concept, this is the short for you. It isn’t particularly creepy or scary, but it is nice to look at. The production is nice and it does give off an authentic vibe.

What We Do in the Shadows

“What We Do in the Shadows” was a breath of fresh air compared to everything else we watched this week. The ability to combine comedy and horror is a skill that is hard to accomplish, but there are some movies that I enjoy that can do this successfully. “Tucker and Dale vs. Evil” is a great example, even the Netflix original “Little Evil” wasn’t that bad. When it comes to “What We Do in the Shadows” I think it’s more of a comedy with horror elements than a blend of both. Nonetheless, this is a good Halloween vibes movie and I highly recommend it.

 

The Plot (Semi-Spoilers)  

This movie is in the style of a mockumentary that follows four vampires: Vladislave, Viago, Deacon, and Petyr. We see, mostly the first three, dealing with modern life and being roommates. I would say that the overarching plot would be the “Unholy Masquerade,” which is an annual party for the vampires, witches and zombies. In the leading months to this party, we see how these vampires deal with every day things. I know that this sounds lowkey boring, but it really isn’t. There’s no good way to describe this movie because it really is just some vampires living their lives. They do play around with popular vampire tropes like being invited in, not having reflections, and the sun meaning a fiery death. They also use other things like hypnosis and morphing into other animals. The best way to describe this movie would be to compare the comedy to “Napoleon Dynamite” and even “The Office.” It’s more about their awkward tendencies than outright jokes.

I know this plot section isn’t that long, but I don’t have any problems with the plot in this film. I thought that it was a very original way to present vampires. It was cool to see them interact with other monsters like witches, zombies, and werewolves. They also were able to use popular vampire tropes and other vampire stories to create how they would interact with different day-to-day obstacles.

 

The Scares/The Comedy

This movie isn’t scary. There are horror themes within the movie but nothing “scary” happens. There’s a scene where the vampires are feasting on humans, one where a vampire catches on fire and burns to a crisp, and one with werewolves attacking humans. Blood is heavily involved, but in a way that just helps the comedic flow of the movie. It is a somewhat gruesome movie, but nothing crazy. On a scale from 1 to the “Saw” franchise, I’d give it a solid 3 ½.

There are plenty of points in this movie where I actually laughed out loud. The scenes where they are chasing Nick around was amazing. It was very clever how they worked in the comedic element in this movie. Highlighting how awkward these vampires are just made things work. If there were more outright “ha ha that’s a joke” moments, I think it would have completely destroyed the authenticity they were trying to create with this movie.

 

The Acting

I think they hit the nail on the head with the acting in “What We Do in the Shadows.” I find it very interesting how they shaped this movie to be a mockumentary rather than just a movie. Making it a mockumentary, they were able to capture this believability factor similar to “The Office.” We all know that “The Office” wasn’t really following an actual work environment, but they were able to capture the intimate moments that made the show a hit. “What We Do in the Shadows” was able to corner in on this as well. It did feel like we were following real vampires in New Zealand trying to get into clubs and work around the fact that they don’t have a reflection. They were able to hone in on how awkward they are and make it just a knock out film.

 

The Score

  • The Plot: 7/10
  • The Scares/The Comedy: 8/10
  • The Acting: 8/10

I honestly don’t have anything bad to say about this movie. I know the premise doesn’t seem like the most enticing thing, but I highly recommend this movie. It was very goofy film and it shaped vampires in a different way while keeping true to most of the lore. If you would rather laugh than jump, this is the perfect horror film to watch.

The Nun

Okay, I’m just going to be straight up. I thought that this movie was absolute garbage. I haven’t been this disappointed with a horror movie since watching “The Devil Inside.” I’m not sure who would enjoy this movie or who their intended audience was. I mean you would think that they would target “The Conjuring” fans since that’s the universe this movie takes place in. If that was the plan, this movie is the equivalent of having someone shit in your laundry. You’re shocked and disgusted and you’re thinking “There’s no way this is happening to me.” Oh, but it is happening to you, Sharron. Someone just shit in your laundry. This movie just missed the mark entirely and is a disappointment to anyone who enjoys “The Conjuring” franchise. See, I enjoy “The Conjuring” movies! I even liked “Annabelle” (don’t @ me). But this movie just doesn’t add anything to this universe. I’m going to break this review down into three parts: the plot, the scares and the acting.

The Plot (or Lack Thereof) 

Coming in, I thought that this movie would explain the backstory of the nun character introduced in “The Conjuring 2.” I mean that would make sense, right? It is literally named after this demon, but the origin story just came off as lazy writing. This demon went from being terrifying to being lackluster. Anyways, let’s jump into the plot (spoilers obvi).

We open in a Romanian abbey where two nuns (#1 and #2) are traveling down a spooky hallway towards a door that reads “God Ends Here.” #1 walks into this dark room beyond the door holding a key while #2 starts praying. The demon does what demons do and #1 comes out covered in blood and hands the key to #2 before being sucked back into the dark room (thanks demon!). #2 does what she needs to do and hangs herself in front of the abbey.  Obviously, having a nun commit suicide is concerning to the Vatican so they send their Goon Squad to investigate. This includes Father Burke, a seasoned veteran when it comes to the paranormal, and Sister Irene, who hasn’t taken her vows yet and has a different view on the bible (Alexa, play “I’m Different”). Father Burke is told that Sister Irene has experience with Romania but is told, by Sister Irene herself, that she has never been. But Father Burke is satisfied that the Vatican knows what they’re doing, and they head off to Romania. Their first stop is to question the man who found the body of the nun, Frenchie. Frenchie immediately addresses Sister Irene as if they knew each other or had been lovers (this is what I heard, but they were mumbling so I may be wrong). This is the second time that Sister Irene is associated with Romania. Does this get explained? Nope! Anyways, Frenchie tells the two that the village and the abbey have this agreement that the village would supply the nuns with food and whatnot. But that’s the only person who comes into contact with the abbey as the entire village believes it is evil. They get to the abbey and talk to this old cloaked woman, Mother Superior, who comes out of nowhere. Mother Superior doesn’t seem to know about the nun who died but agrees that the Goon Squad can interview the nuns the next day. The nuns are currently not able to speak until the next day because of this vow of silence. The Goon Squad is asked to spend the night in a separate area from the nuns and Frenchie leaves, promising to come back in a few days. On his way out, Frenchie encounters a zombie demon nun thing. It was…interesting.

As the Goon Squad eats dinner, Sister Irene shares that she has visions and a reoccurring message is that “Mary Points West” (or something like that). Father Burke talks about this boy Daniel, who had visions as well but died while Father Burke performed an exorcism. Soooooo does that mean that Father Burke wrongfully exorcised this little boy, or does that mean that Sister Irene is possessed? (Girlllllllllllllllll I have no idea.) Anyways, they go to bed and Father Burke wakes up to music playing. He ends up chasing what he believes is Daniel to the cemetery, where he gets buried. This whole sequence plays like a dream/nightmare because it just jumps around and the ground that Father Burke is buried under doesn’t look disturbed. But nope, it’s really happening. Good thing Sister Irene wakes up. She walks around and finds nuns praying when she has an encounter with THE Nun, and all of the other nuns disappear (foreshadowing). Then she hears a bell ringing and immediately assumes it is Father Burke and digs him up.

The next day, Sister Irene is allowed to interview the nuns and they’re kinda creepy. She sees at least one nun constantly praying and is told why later on by a different nun. Basically, back in the day this evil dude was in the middle of performing a ritual for this demon but the church busts in at the last second and seals the demon portal with the blood of Christ. Years later, the portal is reopened because of some bombs deployed during a war (World War II). So, the way to stop the evil demon from entering this world is to have the nuns pray nonstop. I guess the prayer isn’t working because this demon is seen roaming around disguised as a nun to blend in with the others. That’s the explanation of Valak. See? Fucking boo boo. Really? Some evil dude a long time ago did a ritual to create a portal? GIVE ME A BREAK. Anyways, Sister Irene ends up sleeping alongside the other nuns because it now the time of day where they can’t leave or speak. Meanwhile, Father Burke is doing some research and finds out about Valak. Father Burke soon realizes that Sister Irene is lowkey trapped and begins to figure out a plan to get to her. That’s when he discovers that Mother Superior hasn’t been alive at all. So, he starts freaking out even more. Frenchie is back in the village and finds out that some little girl killed herself. The whole village believes that the evil from the abbey is spreading. This scene is so odd and out of place, but sure. Frenchie grabs a gun and heads back to the Goon Squad. Father Burke is also attacked by a zombie demon nun and saved by Frenchie. They end up getting into the space that Sister Irene is in and try to find her. Sister Irene is told by the other nuns that the evil is getting stronger and that they must all start praying. As they do, crazy shit starts happening and all of the nuns are getting attacked. Father Burke and Frenchie find Sister Irene, and this is when they find out that all of those nuns are actually ghost nuns?? Very important ghost nuns because they told Sister Irene how to stop Valak.

So, the Goon Squad and Frenchie prepare to face off with Valak. They find the blood of Christ in a very “National Treasure-esque” way and try to find the portal to close it. Honestly, I thought Nicolas Cage was going to pop out or something. I mean if there are zombie demon nuns, there can be Nicolas Cage right? Okay, back to this awful plot. They fight and what not. Valak possess Sister Irene at one point, Frenchie saves her by smearing the blood of Christ on her face, then Frenchie gets chocked by Valak itself. Then Sister Irene and Valak have a standoff in this flooded corridor. For whatever reason, Valak tries to drown Sister Irene and when she becomes still brings her up to face it. Sister Irene wasn’t really dead and spits the blood of Christ in Valak’s face. Boom. Demon begone. Everyone lives! Even Frenchie who was being chocked out by Valak the last time we saw him. This demon isn’t very good at killing people. The Goon Squad and Frenchie leave the abbey, with Sister Irene declaring it as holy ground. This is when we find out that Frenchie’s real name is Maurice and he starts rubbing the back of his neck where we see an inverted cross appear. Then we cut to the middle of “The Conjuring” where Carolyn Perron attends the Warren’s seminar. This is the part of the movie where they show this poor possessed dude, and that dude turns out to be Frenchie. THE END.

Honestly, this movie could’ve been so much better if they just put more effort into the plot. Why were the two nuns in the beginning doing this? I know that the first nun was trying to put a stop to things, but why was she doing it alone? Why didn’t they try to stop this demon before all of the other nuns died? Did they know where the blood of Christ was this whole time? So why wait? Like, how can Valak be killed by the blood of Christ, but still exist through Frenchie? This demon can split up its being, but it can’t choke out Frenchie or Sister Irene? Girl, bye. Why did Valak feel the need to dress as a nun if none of the nuns were alive? In the beginning, the two nuns seem to be the last ones alive in the abbey. So what was the point in disguising itself if there was only two people there? What was the point of Sister Irene’s visions? Literally the only message she got from this was that “Mary Points West” and she didn’t even utilize this message, Father Burke did. The vision we see her have in the movie doesn’t really add anything either. Father Burke was haunted by what past exactly? Why were the dead ghost nuns also zombies???? Please someone explain. Speaking of zombie ghost nuns, let’s talk about the scares.

 

The Scares

The scares in “The Nun” were predictable. What else is there to say? It wasn’t scary. The big twist is that all of the people the Goon Squad encountered were already dead. DUUUHHHH. When everyone appears out of nowhere, you gotta know that they dead. THE Nun wasn’t even scary. I think what killed it for me was Valak’s inability to kill anyone. It would choke them for what? Aren’t you a demon? Why are you using your hands? There were some moments that could have been pretty creepy if the sound effects weren’t complete garbage. For example, Father Burke encounters these hooded “nuns” that all look up at him at the same time. Instead of just having a creepy song play in the background, they put this like bone creaking noise in. Did they all break their necks?? It completely took me out of the moment and just made me mad.

I mean I don’t really get scared from movies, just a few jumps at the loud sounds, but as soon as the movie started I was mad. That mostly has to do with the acting.

 

The Acting

The beginning scenes are important since it sets up the entire movie. Of course, “The Nun” opened with scenes from “The Conjuring 2,” to simultaneously grab at all of the straws available to connect the movies together and to give you some context as to who THE Nun is. Now, I’ve already described the beginning of this movie in the plot section of this review. This scene could have been the perfect set up for this movie, but the acting was unbelievable. The second nun, who hung herself, was just unbelievable when it came to her being scared. If she would have been convincing, everything would have changed, for me at least.

The other problem I had with this movie was mumbling. Goodness, I couldn’t understand a damn thing they said throughout this movie. The biggest culprits were Father Burke and Frenchie. Besides mumbling, I enjoyed Father Burke and Sister Irene. Yes, they were kinda dumb but they were good actors. The acting overall could have been stronger. No matter how strong the acting is, nothing can help a trash ass script.

 

The Scores:

  • The Plot: 3/10
  • The Scares: 4/10
  • The Acting: 5/10

I would skip on it and wait for it to come onto Netflix. You really aren’t missing anything when it comes to “The Nun” as it literally adds nothing to “The Conjuring” universe. Good try guys, maybe the next nun movie will be better.

S1, Ep7: But I Thought the Knife Was Dull!

Are haunted house attractions worth your coin? Well, this week of “Hallowpressed,” Hayley and Kayli go to two different attractions to answer that very question. Not only do we spill the tea on our experiences, but we also talk about what happens when people go too far for that perfect scare. We also review “Suspiria,” “Halloween,” “Under the Shadow,” and “Sleepy Eyes.” As always, Stay Spooky!

Have any real life spooky stories? Email us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com

Music: http://www.purple-planet.com and https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary/music

Articles:

https://www.mcmlewisville.com/event/Halls-of-Horror/2145514388/

http://moxleymanor.com/

Facts

https://people.com/crime/man-stabbed-haunted-house/

https://www.ranker.com/list/scared-to-death-in-haunted-houses/harrison-tenpas

https://www.ranker.com/list/scary-short-films-on-youtube/jacob-shelton

 

S1, Ep6: Let’s Get Spooky!

This week of “Hallowpressed” we get spooky! We found some scary short stories on the interwebs and decided to share them with you. We’ll find out why buying old houses is a terrible idea, why you should never pay money for apps, and why driving alone at night is a no no. After reading all of these stories, one question will haunt you: THEN WHO WAS PHONE?!

If you have any creepy real life stories, share them with us at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com.

Check us out on Instagram at: PressedPodcast. Until next week, Stay Pooky!

Music:http://www.purple-planet.com and https://www.youtube.com/audiolibrary/music    

Hayley’s Stories:

https://www.scoopwhoop.com/world/short-scary-stories-reddit/#.0hzhk1k1s

https://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2014/01/13-short-creepy-stories-that-will-scare-the-crap-out-of-you/

http://justsomething.co/20-terrifying-two-sentence-horror-stories-that-make-you-hold-your-breath/

https://the-line-up.com/10-short-creepypastas

Kayli’s Stories:

https://didyouknowfacts.com/20-creepy-true-stories-thatll-make-want-check-closets-dare/

https://www.ranker.com/list/true-scary-stories/amandasedlakhevener

https://www.bustle.com/articles/65691-14-creepy-real-life-stories-from-reddit-because-you-werent-planning-on-sleeping-tonight-right

 

S1, Ep5: We’re Legends

Halloween is great but “Hallowpressed” is better! For the first spooky week of the month Hayley and Kayli discuss Urban Legends and why the hell they even exist. Your fav ghouls also give their movie reviews on The Nun, What We Do in the Shadows, Alone Time, and Hell Fest.

If you want to watch the movies we will review for the next Pressed episode visit our website pressedpodcast.com.

Have any personal scary stories? Email us at pressedpodcast@gmail.com!

Link to the creepy owls: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5100143/Birds-spooky-eyes-mistaken-ALIENS-builders.html 

*We apologize for the audio, we were recording in a different place*

Music: 

https://www.purple-planet.com/

Urban Legends and Creepy Pastas:

https://theconversation.com/why-urban-legends-are-more-powerful-than-ever-76718

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:What_Is_Creepypasta%3F

La Llorana:

https://www.historytoday.com/miscellanies/wailing-woman

https://www.legendsofamerica.com/gh-lallorona/

https://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/Woman-recalls-drowning-kids-in-1986-2055547.php

La Lechuza:

https://backpackerverse.com/la-lechuza/

https://truehorrorstoriesoftexas.com/la-lechuza/

El Chupacabra:

http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20161109-the-truth-about-a-strange-blood-sucking-monster  

The Goat Man:

https://wedentondoit.com/blog/2013/10/18/back-in-the-day-goatmans-bridge

https://www.reddit.com/r/Denton/comments/2i5ygf/old_alton_bridge/

Bexar County Hospital: (There is one more article missing but I could not find it)

https://www.ranker.com/list/creepy-texas-urban-legends/jacobybancroft

http://www.weirdus.com/states/texas/ghosts/bexar_hospital/index.php

Summit Elementary School:

https://www.ranker.com/list/creepy-texas-urban-legends/jacobybancroft

http://kissfm969.com/5-urban-legends-in-amarillotexas/

 

Movies to Watch

Watch by October 3rd: 

  • The Nun (Theaters)
  • What We Do in the Shadows (Amazon; free with Prime)
  • Alone Time (YouTube)
  • Hell Fest (Theaters)

Watch by October 17th: 

  • Suspiria 1977 (Rent or Buy)
  • Halloween 1978 (Rent or Buy)
  • Under the Shadow (Netflix)
  • Sleepy Eyes (YouTube)

Watch by October 31st: 

  • Suspiria (Theaters)
  • Halloween (Theaters)
  • All Hallows Eve  (Netflix)
  • Carnival of Souls (Amazon for coin)
  • What Keeps You Alive (Google Play or YouTube for coin)

S1, Ep4: Things Get Shitty…

Still having thoughts about living with a roommate? Well this episode of Kinda Pressed will sway you to live alone FOREVER (in the Sandlot voice). This week we read roommate horror stories from fans of the show* and from articles we found online. Did we find a story that topped our own? Listen to find out!

Subscribe to our YouTube channel so you don’t miss any spooky content: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbUk5AhiBIEHaH7vWvoaP1A/featured

Music: http://www.purple-planet.com

Here’s those spicy articles we read:

“Bad” Roommate Stories:

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/college/a58508/roommate-horror-stories/ https://www.businessinsider.com/these-ultimate-roommate-horror-stories-will-convince-you-to-live-alone-2018-3

https://brobible.com/college/article/worst-college-roommate-horror-stories/

*Names have been changed to protect their privacy.

S1, Ep3: The Good, The Bad and The Roommates from Hell

Living with people sucks ass. Trust us, we have plenty of experience when it comes to trash roommates. This week’s episode is dedicated to those who never cleaned, who ignored us for months at a time, and to those who STOLE our chicken! We hope that you can relate to us and maybe have a crazy roommate story of your own! If you do, send us your story at pressedpodcast@gmail.com and we’ll read it on our Kinda Pressed.

S1, Ep2: College is a Scary Place

Welcome to Kinda Pressed, our minisode to hold y’all over until the next Pressed! This week we were still feeling those back-to-school vibes and decided to tell horror stories about terrible first days, a sorority’s “morally questionable” scavenger hunt, and what could happen if you leave your laundry unattended. We also share some “interesting” advice about finding jobs after college from the interwebs.

Email us if you have any juicy roommate stories that you would like for us to read on the next Kinda Pressed at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com 

Here are the articles we read in this episode:

Article on finding a job after college: https://www.selloutyoursoul.com/2017/11/30/how-to-find-a-job-after-college/

Article on accidental blackface story: http://community.sparknotes.com/2014/08/26/our-back-to-school-horror-stories-will-put-yours-to-shame

Articles on a sorority’s scavenger hunt: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/college/a19417795/lehigh-alpha-chi-omega-banned/

https://www.barstoolsports.com/barstoolu/lehigh-sorority-banned-after-hosting-road-rally-scavenger-hunt-fueled-by-sexual-acts-alcohol-drugs

Article on the shlituaiton (shit laundry situation):   https://www.cosmopolitan.com/college/a13106325/southern-illinois-university-washing-machine-pooper/

S1, Ep1: Back-to-School Vibes

Hey! Ready to go back to school? Lolol can’t relate! This episode of Pressed is full of those good ol’ back-to-school vibes. We graduated from college 3 months ago and decided to go down memory lane and relive those college days. Join us as we talk about our experience on two different college campuses, how we would have done things differently, and some advice on surviving school.

Share your college/high school experiences or any questions you have at: pressedpodcast@gmail.com