Dear Diary, Does it Really Work Out in the End?

With a new month beginning, Hayley and Kayli thought it would be great time for some reflection and life updates. The month of May is usually pretty busy with the school year wrapping up and graduation ceremonies popping off. It has been a year since Hayley and Kayli have graduated from college and boy, is that weird to say! This week, we’re going to do a deep dive into what’s on our minds. Have we finally figured out what we’re doing with our lives or are we still struggling? Read our diary entries to find out!

Check out our podcast episodes where we get real about life: What is Life? Yes, We’re Negative

Hayley:

Dear Diary,

Time sure does fly when you’re underpaid and struggling at your entry-level job! This past year has gone quicker than my paycheck after rent is due. I turned 23 yesterday and was happy to hear I am still considered in my early twenties. The thought of me being mid-anything is terrifying so I am going to hold on to this year as if it were my last.

With all this being said I think I’ve learned a lot about myself, and life. I’m not necessarily where I would like to be but learning what I don’t like is just as important as learning what I do like. Sitting at a 9-5 job all day is not what I had envisioned for myself but I’m gaining valuable experience I can use to leverage myself into a job I love. I know I’m not the only one in this situation and I believe this is life’s way of forcing us to come to terms with our individuality and find who we really are. Society has made many of us think we should have our lives together at 21 with nice cars and oversized homes. This has never, and will never be the case. The occasional Instagram model and YouTube star may make me think otherwise but nothing great ever comes easy. I have to be patient, work hard, and try to have a little fun along the way.

Everyone says it will get better so I’m going to take a leap of faith and believe it!

Kayli: 

Dear Diary,

Well, time sure does fly by! It’s been a year since I’ve graduated from college and I still have no idea what I am doing. Before I graduated college, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do afterwards. I wasn’t sure what kind of job I would want or what I would like to be doing for the majority of my week. When I landed the job I have now, I knew that it wasn’t going to be my forever job. Since that was the case, I decided to use this as an opportunity to learn about what I would like to do one day. FYI this is my very first job. I had internships in college, but not a real job. So, I was hoping to learn something from this one. All I’ve learned so far is that I hate my job. I’ve never felt like I was doing something so pointless before in my life. Like anyone could do my job, I’m not irreplaceable. I feel like just another cog in the machine. I know that sounds pretty dramatic or whatever, but that’s the tea sis. It has been really difficult the last six months since I’ve started working. However, I have come to a realization.

I am terrified of making the wrong decision. I feel like there is a path I’m supposed to be traveling down. Since I don’t know what this path looks like or where it leads, I’m just hoping that I’m following it. But what if I make the wrong decision and end up on a whole different path and it takes years for me to correct it and get back on track? Since I’m terrified of making a decision, I end up doing nothing. I end up just being stressed and anxious about what to do next. But that’s the problem. By not doing anything, I’m making a decision. I’m making the decision to stay exactly where I am, knowing that I hate it. That’s the wrong decision. I always wish I could wake up one day and everything would be solved and I’m happy and everything is perfect. That’s not going to happen. I have to put in the work. I have to follow what feels right at that moment. I can’t wait around hoping something will change, I have to change. I’m the driving factor in my life.

Well Diary, wish me luck! I’m hoping that I’ll find something that makes me happy. That I finally trust myself enough that I can stop second-guessing everything I do. That I finally step into who Kayli is supposed to be.

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